I love being a mom. I have the best two kids I could’ve ever asked for, but it is not an easy job and it’s definitely not a glamorous job. Thank goodness sex is off the table those first 6 weeks because there’s no way I feel sexy as a mom during the beginning stage. I just don’t feel like myself. How could I when I’m covered in baby spit up & am wearing a breast milk soaked shirt? or when I choose sleep over that shower I so desperately need?
This last baby was especially difficult for me because Scott had surgery on his Achilles just 2 days prior to Farrah’s birth. He was on painkillers and bed rest, unable to walk for 6 weeks, leaving me to do most of the work with both our newborn and our 20 month old while trying to heal myself. It wasn’t easy. And so, as expected, a lot of things didn’t get done.
Aside from basic chores being put on the back burner, I put a lot of my needs last as well. The problem was that I didn’t realize I was doing it. I thought I was putting my wants last, not my needs.
Wants had no place on my list of priorities.
I wanted to read a book but my 2 year old wanted to go to the park. I wanted to work out, but my 4 month old wanted to cuddle with mom. I wanted to shower and put make up on, but my 2 year old wanted to sit on my lap and watch cartoons. And truthfully, I loved spending that time with them so I really didn’t mind.
Overtime I began to feel more and more run down and slightly depressed about my decision to be a stay at home mom. I didn’t feel important, I didn’t feel smart, and I didn’t feel attractive.
“Respecting ourselves enough to treat our desires as important”
My grandmother is full of amazing advice. She is also a very talented and published author. About a week ago I was reading an older article of hers when I came across this statement and it really resonated with me:
Discovering the specific experiences we desire, respecting ourselves enough to treat our desires as important and then setting out a specific plan to satisfy those desires is the formula for a successful and satisfying life, whether we are seven, seventeen, forty-seven or seventy.
I am a mom. I prioritize my kids above everything. I believe this to be a common practice in the mom world. I never thought that could be keeping me from feeling satisfied or happy. It’s a difficult topic to think about. On one hand, my children’s happiness makes me happy, but on the other I am not truly happy if I cannot be myself or experience my own personal joys apart from being a mother.
What I realized is that I don’t have to give my children everything they ask for to make them happy. I also realized that just because they may not be happy in that moment when they hear me tell them no, it does not mean that they are unhappy children. I can still find joy in their happiness, because it is still there beneath the temper tantrum.
I can practice give and take. I can give them attention and then give myself attention without feeling guilty. My desires do not have to feel selfish. In fact, they are important. They are important for me to function and to feel satisfied and happy as a mother, and a human being for that matter.
My best advice to feel sexy as a mom?
You are more than just a mother. Remember the things that brought you joy before you had children and give them space in your life again.
Happiness is sexy. I am my happiest when I feel important, when I feel smart, and when I feel healthy.
I am no longer a career woman, but I have an important role in my home. To feel smart, I make time to read books and converse with adults about interesting topics. I also blog because it challenges me; it allows me to think creatively and it allows me to write again. In order to feel healthy, I exercise and eat a well balanced diet.
This is what I do to feel sexy as a mom. It really is as simple as “respecting [yourself] enough to treat [y]our desires as important.”
Make time for yourself and you will see what I mean. It changes everything.